Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
