We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
