the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
