Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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