I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
