Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
