we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
