T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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