I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
