remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
