Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
