if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
