why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
