hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
