Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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