Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
