Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
