i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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