have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I want her autograph on my taint
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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