I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
