i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Randomize
