i already hear my dad disowning me
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
