I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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