woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
