Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
