Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
