it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
