hotel room ftw
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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