i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
