I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
