yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
