the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
