Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize