My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
