i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
