Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
