Those balls look pretty dangerous.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
