At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
