i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
