So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
