ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He better not be in your backpack
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
