I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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