I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
