Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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