no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
