If that was your dad, he is hot
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
