im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
