Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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