I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
