So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
