yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize