Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
