when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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