More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
