fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
