I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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