The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
