In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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