Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize