I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
