I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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