i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Found your dick twin last night
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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