Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
