his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
