Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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