i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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