dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
