Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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