All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize