your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
