fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Couch. On fire.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
