I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
