ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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